The Gym 2017

​Any notion that men have any sense of decorum is removed upon stepping foot into the male gymnasium locker room.

“No, no I will not take your picture.” These are actual words, I have had to say to a grown-ass man, in a locker room.

Why are all of you naked? Why is your towel over your shoulder? Why is your towel the size of restaurant napkin? Again, why are all of you naked? 

I don’t have specialty work-out underwear that can only be applied at the gym, I knew I was going to a gym so I put my gym crap on at home. I’m not Nostradamus, I planned a trip to the gym, and dressed accordingly. 

I arrived at the gym, I put my phone & bookbag in a locker, dodged all the naked guys that have to walk at me, and went into the gym to work out. I worked out, went to get my crap out of the locker, why are all the same guys standing around naked in the locker room? I never see any of you naked guys working out. You just prance around in the locker room naked. 

The Sauna:

Within the confines of the locker room, is a separate area, with a doorway, and on the other side is 1) the sauna 2) showers 3) toilets 4) swimming pool access. I walk towards the doorway because I want to sweat-out a few weekend beers in the sauna.  A young barefoot man in front of me is going the same way, he reaches for the door handle, and just before he touches it, his hand falls weakly to his side, and he kind of meanders to a slow stop just to the side of the doorway. This fucking guy has just suffered an executable error, 404 door-handle not found. WTF, again I’m not Nostradamus, I know I have to open the door to get to the other side. Get out of my way, barefoot towel guy. As I reach for the door handle, barefoot guy begins to perform a 270 degree turn to get behind me. (I’ve seen this maneuver before, this is one of those “I don’t touch door-handles, so you are going to hold a door for me.”) Realizing that barefoot boy is going for the maneuver, I crack the door just enough for me to go sideways through the door, I then grab the handle on the back side and pull it closed (best part was that he was turning his body sideways so that he could glide through). It’s an acrylic door, I look at him from the other side and say “I’m not your doorman.”

I mention the guy was barefoot, because I thought it curious that a guy not wanting to touch a door with his hand, would walk around barefoot in a men’s locker room. There is a story I could tell at this point, but I can’t because of the level of disgust it creates in not only myself, but the two other people that I told it to. Suffice to say, when I leave the gym, I want to throw my shoes down a sewer, soak my feet in gasoline, light them on fire, then sterilize the remains in alcohol. Men are disgusting, and are a health risk to every living creature on Earth. We should be stopped.

The Sauna continued: The sauna has a door in which it is small room that has heated air, and each time the door is opened, the hot air leaves the room. I go in, I set my stop watch, 15 minutes max. I go in, and sit down. Another barefoot guy (seriously guys wtf?) in tiny little bikini briefs, wearing Beats by Dre headphones follows me in, he walks around, he stretches, he’s bending over, 120 seconds (2 minutes) passes and he walks back out. Whatever. I then look out the sauna door (its acrylic) and watch as the guy walks into the shower area. That’s all that is down that bay. showers, men’s showers. A minute passes, he comes back out. And then he walks down the hallway to the pool area. The pool area is co-ed. He was wearing bikini briefs and Beats by Dre – that was it. Again, whatever. 

Seven minutes pass (how do I know? I was using my stopwatch remember?) here he is again, back in the door of the sauna. This time he walks a circle (the sauna is tiny, all saunas on Earth are tiny), he wasn’t even in the 30 seconds and he is walking back out. The behavior of men in a gymnasium locker room is bizarre at best, and all I can figure that there is some sort of sexual pleasure these guys are getting that is outside the norm of searchable features on the internet. 

In the final scene of Apocalypse Now, Capt Willard reads the note from Col Kurtz to “exterminate them all.” And in the original cut, during the closing credits, the air strike that Willard has called-in levels the Kurtz Compound. That goes through my mind when I go to the gym, I am Captain Willard and I want to call in an airstrike on the men’s locker room. (then throw my shoes into the sewer, and napalm my feet.)

xoxo

Pork

Update Review on Kinvara 7

Hot green color = love it!
Lightweight shoe = love it!
Flexible sole = love it!

Hardened tread pattern that extends across the whole width of the sole?
Hello? Saucony, the tread goes across the whole sole of the shoe right?
No? So people that favor landing on the outside of the shoe, will quickly destroy the white super-soft under-structure?
Why would you do that? Are you trying to save money on the hardened orange pads? Are they made of the metal gold?
So the shoe will melt away after a couple hundred miles. Harumph.

shoe20160916_115339

2016 St Pete Run For All Kids

Where to start? It was a multi-length event with a 10k, 5k, and one miler. For the last year+ I’ve been running with a group, and joined the 10k with them.

http://runforallchildren.com/

Many of the races in St Pete take place downtown, with a route that runs past the bay. Not only is it scenic, but the police only end up blocking traffic from one side. In the weeks prior I began to add more runs for longer distance (5 & 6 miles). One week before, I go for a run at the scheduled start time of the race to gauge what the conditions would be like. Oof, 90% humidity and the heat spiked. Doubts began to creep in on whether I even wanted to run this thing.

Monday’s group run went fine, Wednesday was speed training – which led to some dead-legged feelings all of Thursday & Friday.

Spent Friday with more internal voices of doubt. I just didn’t think I was going to be able to turn in a decent effort. Couple that with the fact that I was running it with friends from the group, and now there would be witnesses to my failure. WTF, where is my brain getting this shit?

Saturday, get up early enough, get downtown, finally find event parking and follow the herd to the startline. Yay, there were my friends! Good times. Every couple minutes a voice over the PA would give updates. Soon we entered the start box, enjoyed the Star Spangled Banner, but again another race where the start was awkward. Just an out-of-the blue horn going off. And we’re off.

My friends quickly disappeared, I would catch a glimpse of them, but I could see I was not on pace, which was okay. I didn’t want to DNF, I knew my pace was good for me, so I cruised along. The race was great, the course is scenic and flat. I came across one woman that appeared to be running the course via intervals. It took me by surprise when she zipped passed me, then a minute later she was walking. I continue trundling along and pass her as she’s walking. Zip, there she goes again. This time though when I got passed her, I never saw her again. Another woman woke me from my slumber, when she came up along side me huffing, puffing, and groaning very loud. We were probably, maybe 2-3 kilometers into the race, and she was in bad shape. And trying very very hard to keep my pace. For those new here, I’m in my early 50’s, arthritic knees, former smoker, and had kidney cancer a couple years ago. I was fresh as a daisy compared to this woman. Folks, watching highlights of the Boston Marathon doesn’t turn you into a marathoner. Hope she was all right.

As I got closer to the turnaround, I began to see the gofast folks on the return leg. So I kept an eye out for my friends. As the first one went by I yelled her name, it came out louder than I expected. A minute later another friend was going by, but she wasn’t looking so I yelled her name – loudly. Had to get her attention. When the third one went by, I felt like I really needed to embarrass her, so I yelled out her name extra loud. They can just unfriend me later if it’s an issue (it’s not).

I really don’t remember the return leg. Just a few moments here & there. Ran into one of my friends again on a side leg, she told me she was losing speed, I said I was losing speed as well. That was with 2.5 km left. My mind began to send me warnings. On my training runs, there is a ramp at 2.5 km, and it sucks my wind from me. There was no ramp, but my mind kept telling me to prepare for it. Stupid brain. It was around that area that the 5k people joined the running herd. Many had a very brisk pace, and that kind of messes with the psyche. I begin to wonder, “how many of these people are 10k’ers?” From that 2.5 km point, the course meanders a little, it cuts back again at Dan Wheldon Way, then it goes back into downtown, but quickly turns again. I begin thinking that the finish line should be coming is sight, one more turn and there it was. It was still 300+ meters down the road, so I didn’t speed up a whole lot.

I had one guy in front of me, that wasn’t picking up pace, so I thought I would follow behind, I don’t think he was a 10k entrant, but he looked sluggish. Wake up brain! The finish line is right there! (well a couple hundred meters – striking distance) I hear a lot of yelling going on, it was my friends. All that loud yelling I had for them during the race, they gave back to me at the finish. That yelling got me to pour it on even more. Strong finish.

133rd out of 400. 6th out of 15 in age group.

Moving From Kinvara 5’s to Kinvara 7’s

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It was bound to happen. I bought the Kinvara 5’s a few years back, and swore by them even after a couple weeks when my big toe broke through. Light, comfy, flexible sole, and wide enough. Eventually the insole wore out, and the hot spots & blisters happened. Sending tweets to Saucony, and never getting a reply. I bought the Saucony Breakthru’s, and they were okay. But they weren’t Kinvara’s. At the beginning of 2016 I bought a pair of Saucony Triumph ISO 2.

The Triumph was just a little more shoe than I wanted. Tiny bit big all over. Tiny bit heavier. Harumph. So instead of sending another tweet to Saucony, I sent an email, and told them about my Kinvara 5 insoles. Within two weeks, Saucony sent me a fresh pair of insoles, and thanked me for my dedication to Saucony.

Finally Saucony released the Kinvara 7. Joyousness & Joyosity! Pretty much the ride & feel of the 5. I got about 30+ miles in them already, and my big toe isn’t popping thru!

2016 Firestone Grand Prix 5K Review

I’ve run this 5k four, five, maybe even six times since I’ve known about it. Always a great run. You get to run the Indycar circuit, so that is cool! So each year, the event should be a little better than the year before, or at least the same.

MBA organized for what I think is the 2nd time. Online entry and promotion was fine (actually if you liked their facebook page you were barraged with a million reminders, so unliked.) Advance packet pick-up was fine, it was a change of venue, but still it was organized and went well. The t-shirt looks to be a higher than usual t-shirt.

The race. This year the brick road on the side of the Vinoy was not included. You know what? That is a positive thing, because the bricks are uneven, and if it rains, those bricks become slippery. Boom, good thing. Ran into some friends before the race, had some convo, good thing, none of that anxiety being built up, just hanging out. Boom, good thing. In years past, sometimes the mayor will have a speech, then the Star Spangled Banner is sung by a local. Usually the scheduled start time is delayed while this occurs, forcing wearers of run tracking devices to reboot or face the thing going into shut-down. With about five minutes to start time, the announcer comes over the PA to say that they will be starting soon, okie dokie, I’ll wait till the beginning of the national anthem to reboot my watch. For some reason I decided to just do it right then, since I was thinking about it. Good thing. Suddenly over the PA the announcer starts the race, “runners on your marks, get set, go!” No speeches, no anthem, just “go.”

Whaaaaat? Ok, no big whoop. Oh yes there is, what is this? Why are all these walkers in the front? Oh, I know why. The announcer never told walkers to get to the back, so they stumbled into the NARROW corral, and it took me over 20 seconds to move 20 feet. Did I say “narrow?” Yes the live timing group brought a very narrow starting arch and timing pads. Couple all the walkers in with the narrow arch, and you have a suckfest start. Once you get past the arch, you still have all the walkers to contend with, that were not instructed to move to the rear. So there was a wall of walking dead that had to be waded through, just to get into a running pace. That was probably a lost 45 seconds. Once we were moving, it was gravy.

Finish line and the great beyond. This is a sunset run, so the sun is setting when you start, and it’s dark when you finish. The finish line arch was unlit. I remembered where it was and I was picking up my pace, but it was like running into a blackhole. I saw a friend just ahead of me, and figured I would try to catch up to him. Cool, extra motivation! Really trucking now, and 5 yards before the finish, I pass my friend. Boom! That’s great! Then a little kid runs across my path and I come within an inch of burying him into the asphalt. Folks, I’m over 200 lbs. This beef doesn’t stop on a dime. There were no organizers to prompt people out of the finish area. Just a mess.

It was live timed, so there should be timing sheets posted to let you know how you did. Nope. The timing folks didn’t do that. An hour later the organizer had a brief handing out of the winner of each age group as well as overall awards. That was pretty much it.

There were no finish line snacks, no fruits or beer like in previous years. For the number of people entered (over 650), the age groups were in ten year brackets, which is a big gap. Usually races are 5 year gaps. A nice touch is that awards in each age group go back three deep. So just one award for every ten years. Plus there was no result sheets to look at, if you could find a guy from timing that had the lap top, you could bother him. If you waited in line.

So no post race amenities. Big age brackets. Winner only award. I bring these up, and gripe about them, because these are the differences than in years past. The event is not getting better. It took a decided downhill slide. There was very little sponsorship outside of MBA. Which is peculiar. This is downtown St Pete, even if you can’t lasso a runner into your booth, you can at least get some of the local yocals that are walking around the downtown.

Before I stop bitching, the course was short. Evidently organizers believe that 3 miles and 5 kilometers are the same thing. They are not. 3 miles is shorter than 5 kilometers. Folks, if you are measuring a course that is advertised in metric, measure the distance in metric.

Also the results were not posted to coolrunning.com. Big boys and girls that run expect to see their results on coolrunning.com.

The race was not the worst organized one I’ve run, but if you are the title sponsor of an event, that is YOUR NAME that is being advertised, and it looks like you are dropping the ball. Dear title sponsor, you must have people that run in your organization, talk to them. Because it doesn’t seem like you are listening to the attendees. Do better next year, or don’t do it.

2016 Run For the Cupcake

Is the End in Sight for Porkfork?

I’ve ignored this site.

Godaddy is a terrible host. Slow servers, make this site unwelcoming. Plus it would save me a lot of money to shut it down.

2015 St Pete GP 5k

Well, almost 5k. Closer to 4.87 kilometers. (I’ll write more later, I’m tired.)

More pics:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/porkfork/sets/72157651150039747/

Results:
http://www.coolrunning.com/results/15/fl/Mar27_Firest_set4.shtml

Saucony Breakthru

Last year I bought a pair of Saucony Kinvara 5’s, and within 30 miles my toe was poking through the fabric. It was around that time I realized the soles were showing a lot of wear and tear. Still, they worked.

A week ago I bought the new (2015) Saucony Breakthru. The fabric seems to be a lot more durable. I’ve worn them on a couple of short runs, and they work, but the soles of my feet are getting hot in them. Something isn’t rubbing right. I think it’s just a matter of my feet building some more callous.

More later.
*3-21-2015 update
Got a couple weeks of usage. I like the Saucony Breakthru shoe.
They are a lot like the Kinvara 5. The fabric in the Breakthru is more durable than the Kinvara 5. The sole of the Kinvara 5 while softer & prone to wear & tear is stiffer then the Breakthru.
This is where it’s hard to tell you about the sole. The Kinvara 5 was softer, but more rigid than the Breakthru. It blows my mind to convey that, but the Breakthru has a sole that is more durable, but is more flexible than the Kinvara 5. But just by a shade.
I like a flexible sole. So finding the Breakthru is a win for me. The Breakthru is really just an improved Kinvara. Some folks are going to love Kinvara’s, and they are ok for me, but the Breakthru is a better match for my feet & calves.

The Breakthru will be a shoe that I will have to buy a second pair, for future usage.

St Pete GP 5k 2015 Race Sign-up!!!

I like this 5k. Last year, the organizers were late getting the word out, but they didn’t snooze this year.

The race starts down by the Vinoy in downtown St Pete, and heads south onto the Indycar circuit. The runners get to do a lap around the track and then do the return leg back to the Vinoy. The Indycar lap is only 1.8 miles (that’s small when it comes to open wheel street courses), but the trip to and from the Vinoy makes it a whole 5k. The surface is smooth, you do a stretch down pitlane, and race campers cheer you along. I think it’s the beer that makes them so enthusiastic.

Here is a link to the St Pete Indycar info page:

http://www.gpstpete.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=343

and a link to race registration:

https://www.racersignup.com/firestone-grand-prix-5k-2015/